The lawsuit
by dantemalfoy
Summary: Humor, NC17 Jakeward slash. Established relationship. Jake sues a company for... unusual damages.


"Mr. Black, I hope you realize that your lawsuit sounds a bit… frivolous."

I glared at the lawyer seated on the other side of the desk. Sure, it might seem unimportant to him. I banged my fist on his desk. "You don't know the pain and mental suffering this has caused me!"

The lawyer, Mr. Randall or something, shrugged and started reading the document. My attention drifted away when he repeated all that legalese about liabilities and torts and whatever.

For me, it had been very emotionally draining because it had driven away my best friend. After Bella had finally come to grips with the fact that Edward and I were together, things had been calm for a few months and I had gotten back my best buddy. We hung out at Bella's, watched movies on her laptop and even compared notes on Edward.

But when my condition started manifesting itself, something which was very hard to hide, she started having regrets. She'd look at me with a desperate longing in her beautiful eyes. Every time we said goodbye, she'd lean towards me and mutter huskily, "I should've chosen you, Jacob."

It made me sad that I couldn't return her feelings but my heart, not to mention my cock, belonged to Edward.

I suspected what really drove Bella away, though, were the constant fights she had with her father after her monthly internet bill went through the roof. Must've been all those movies she downloaded.

After Bella left for Phoenix, Chief Swan had been tight-lipped when I asked him about it. All he'd say was that the movies were "inappropriate." One day, he shook his head and added ominously, "Those toys scared me."

Whatever.

My condition had brought me the Alpha position, though. The guys and Leah just took a look at me and voted me in by acclamation. They all said more or less the same thing, "Size does matter."

Sam took it all in stride; patting my shoulder and looking into my eyes, he'd mumbled, "You're the bigger man, Jake, even I must admit that."

Being the Alpha wasn't the only perk I had from my condition, there was also Edward's…

"Mr. Black," said the lawyer urgently, "Mr. Black!"

I nodded slowly. "Yeah?"

He finished typing on the keyboard and looked at me with eyes glazed by lust. I felt like a particularly delicious-looking slab of prime steak on the meat section of the supermarket, to be truthful, which was another reason for bringing the lawsuit.

He tapped on the monitor with his manicured fingernails. "Is it true what it says here, that you suffer from…?" He mumbled the rest.

"What?" I narrowed my eyes because I could swear he'd said something about a permanent vacation.

He blushed and then coughed delicately. "A permanent erection, Mr. Black."

"Huh, sure."

I shifted on the seat and crossed my legs but it was useless, the randy Randall kept looking hungrily at me.

"Do you mind if I check it, just to make sure?" said the man, his mouth watering.

"Hell, I sure do!"

The man wasn't bad-looking. He had hazel eyes and a pale face framed by tousled dark hair. He was my type, but there was no way I'd do him!

My heart belonged to Edward. Not to mention that it was very risky to cheat when you were afraid your boyfriend might read your every thought, and he was a dangerous and jealous vampire with inhuman strength.

Usually when Edward and I fought, it ended in a bout of sex. Hell, everything did! With my condition…

"So you're suing the company that manufactures the bikes."

"Yep, they've caused me a lot of grief!"

Those damned Germans, why did they have to be so efficient? Surely the engineer that designed the ridged seat of the bike didn't have a randy vampire following him, demanding sex every few hours! The designer had it easy; he could concentrate because his blood wasn't constantly rushing to his _other_ head.

The doctors at the hospital had finally diagnosed what caused the permanent hard-on. Had to visit them without Edward knowing it.

"Might I inquire," said the lustful lawyer, his gaze straying to my crotch, "why you waited two years?"

I shrugged. "Well, gotta admit that it was fun at first."

With my permanent hard-on, we made love constantly. I licked my lips, remembering Edward's pale body bouncing up and down my cock. An hour later he'd be over the couch, his pale legs spread wide as I thrust into his tight coldness.

It was quite handy, being always hard. Made it easy to fuck everywhere. There was that time we did it on the road. I rode my bike while Edward rode me. I must admit that the jumping motions caused by the bumps on the highway made me thrust into his cold body so irregularly and harshly, causing Edward to moan so wantonly, that I had trouble concentrating on my driving. That must have been why we crashed against that stupid rock. Of course, Edward saw to it that I didn't get hurt, but the bike was a wreck.

Didn't matter, Edward bought me another one from that damned company.

"I see." Randall typed on his grey computer, looking at me sideways. Was he checking that I was still hard? Didn't matter that I wore baggy pants, my bulge was visible. And that was a chore because I had to contend with constant groping by men _and_ women.

Made me so mad I had to work extra hard not to shift and maul all those people! But at the end of the day, Edward always soothed my feelings. We made love. Repeatedly. Was quite handy, really. Like the Energizer bunny, I could go on and on.

"Mr. Black, do you mind if I call you Jake?" The lawyer wiggled his eyebrows at me.

"Hell, I sure…" I didn't finish saying it out loud because if I wanted to win my lawsuit against the company, I had to have a lawyer.

"Fine, fine." I conceded grudgingly.

"Jake," he said breathily, leaning towards me and batting his thick eyelashes at me. "Why did you keep driving the bike if the ridged seat caused your member to become so gorgeous… I mean… so engorged with blood?"

Randall bit his lips, but a moan finally escaped him.

"Well, it was the only vehicle I had. My car kept breaking down and also my other bike." It was strange, but the Rabbit wouldn't work. Sometimes a spark plug failed, other times the carburetor was dirty or the valves mysteriously wore down. I couldn't keep it running. Same with my old bike.

So I had to ride the new one because Edward would not lend me his car, nor did he allow Em, Rose or Alice to lend me theirs. Said he was jealous. Hell, he wouldn't even let me ride Jazz's Ducati. Said it didn't suit my manly image!

Though I had to admit that all that tinkering with engines honed my skills and made me a natural for my new job as a mechanic. And wearing the ample coveralls, I managed to hide my hard on from my co-workers. Luckily for them.

I made it out of the office without a problem but in the lobby, security kept looking at me funnily. The guard eyed my crotch and said, "I'll have to make sure you're not carrying a gun, sir."

I was about to agree but at the last second, fed up with the groping, I growled, "No way! Want me to drop my pants? I will, but no touching!"

The guard glanced at the other people and said surly, "Fine, sir."

I snorted as I passed the brunette. Her wistful eyes, which tracked my basket as sharply as a laser while she grumpily waved me through, reminded me of the last time I saw Bella.

I walked to my bike, eyeing wearily the futuristic shape which looked like something out of a Batman movie. I put on the helmet I picked up on my way out and adjusted the straps, leaning down to caress with my left hand the round logo with the blue and white squares, just below the handle. It was a habit which brought me luck. The time we crashed I'd been too occupied groping Edward to do it.

It made me feel free, going along the highway riding atop the pricey machine. I revved up the engine on the last part of the journey, glancing up at the stormy skies and squinting at the woods which reminded me of my vampire. I was happy I'd found him at last.

I had found a way to evade his mind reading abilities. There was a spot in the retina which the eye couldn't see, or so Quil explained when he crashed into that tree. I had to research it on Edward's laptop; for some reason Chief Swan wouldn't lend me Bella's computer.

Turned out to be true, so I used that to my advantage. I knew my vamp's blind spots were his possessiveness and jealousy. I used that when I wanted to hide something from him. All I had to do was associate the memory with Bella and Edward wouldn't touch it with a mental ten-foot pole. It was my code name for hiding stuff from him: Bella.

So had I truly wanted a romp with Randall, I might've pulled it off. But there was no way I'd ever cheat on my vamp. Just remembering Edward's face and his copper locks blowing in the breeze when he rode me, which happened precisely at the spot I was driving through, made my blood tingle. As the bike sped by, I gave the finger to the stupid rock by the bend of the road.

I took a deep breath when I stepped inside our house. I expected Edward to be as frisky as usual, but instead there was candlelight all around, and my stomach grumbled at the delicious smell coming from the kitchen.

Edward opened the kitchen door and motioned me inside. He looked edible in his tight black trousers. "Come here, Jake. I asked Esme to prepare something for you. She cooked the stew you love."

"Really, why?"

Edward smiled and my gaze, as always, was drawn to his golden eyes, framed by those eyebrows and perfectly sculpted cheeks. "I read your mind from far away."

Uh, huh. Did he catch me going to the lawyer? I had already associated Randall's name with Bella.

"You're upset with people, Jake; you think they only want you for your body."

I sighed in relief and shrugged. "They sure do; bet if they could read my boring mind…"

He swooped down on me, caressing my cheek as he looked into my eyes. I gulped at the intensity in his amber gaze as he whispered, "They'd be even more intrigued by your purity and innocence, wolf."

I had to roll my eyes. "Purity and innocence?"

I was sure I didn't look so innocent when I plowed into that tight coldness that clenched so tantalizingly around my dick.

Edward shivered. "You've no idea how enticing you are, Jake. If people could read your thoughts I'd have to fight them for your love, even more than I do now."

"You don't want to cuddle?" That was our code name for making love.

"Tonight I want to take care of you, Jacob. You seem… upset."

And he did. Edward fed me the stew, wiping my chin with his thumb when drops of broth fell from my lips. I sucked his finger, my tongue swirling around the pad of his thumb. To tell the truth, I was a bit disappointed when he didn't react. I wanted it to lead to more.

I told him about the lawsuit, and I noticed he flinched in sympathy at my hardships. He led me to our bathtub and made me take a long, relaxing bath. I loved this about Edward, his ability to surprise me endlessly. Just when I thought I had him figured out, he'd pull this completely shocking side of him I hadn't even known was there.

He was everything I wanted, and if I had to suffer through frequent bouts of sex, who was I to put up a fight?

I feel asleep cradled against his chest, clutching his white shirt and looking up at those wide, shining eyes, safe in the love I'd found there.

* * *

oOoOo

Two weeks passed, and in the rush of everyday living I almost forgot about the lawsuit, until I received a text message from the lawyer.

He sent me a link to the webpage of the person who designed the seat of the bike. I followed it with curiosity because the name seemed familiar. I was very surprised when I saw the photograph of the designer, a person I knew well.

I barely managed to catch the phone before it slipped completely from my fingers. I was so angry I just told my boss I had to go home.

I leaned into the wind as I rode the bike on my way home. The breeze caressed my face and my bare torso. I didn't want to ruin my clothing if I shifted, so I had taken off my vintage Duran Duran t-shirt and wrapped it around my waist. I bought it because one of the guys reminded me of Edward.

He was composing when I banged the door open. He looked so innocent, the damned vamp! He ducked when I threw the phone at him, catching it in midair with a lazy, sensual movement of his arm, the bastard! Why did he have to look so sexy with his rumpled shirt and eyes widened with surprise?

"Jake, what..?"

Didn't let him finish. I stalked towards him and poked his chest. "Thought I wouldn't find out, right, leech?"

"What do you mean?"

"_Alice Hallen_ sounds familiar to you?" Hearing this, Edward staggered back, grimacing.

I pointed at the phone. "The pixie is the person that designed the seats! Don't deny it!"

"I won't," he said resignedly. "She had a vision of a guy being erect for years and she wanted to help me. Let me explain, please."

I didn't allow him to finish. Edward looked so vulnerable and forlorn, my chest heaved with a strange mix of rage and tenderness. I had to have him right now!

I lifted him into my arms and carried him to the bedroom, dumping him roughly on the bed.

"Strip," I growled.

He moaned when I peeled off my pants and briefs, gazing at me while he took off his sinfully tight pants with inhuman speed. He didn't bother to undo the buttons of his shirt, just ripped it apart while I glared at him. "So you want me to fuck you? I will, but under my terms!"

I yanked the bedspread and pushed his naked body towards the bed. Grabbing the bottle of lube, I upended it over my palm. I scooted on the bed and using my knees, I pushed apart his pale thighs, groaning at the sight of his enticing hole. I stabbed my fingers roughly into his entrance, coating it with enough lube. With my other hand, I grabbed his cock and pushed it so it pointed towards his feet. He looked so delicious, spread out like a motor just waiting to be tinkered with, but it angered me that he had gone behind my back!

"You don't understand, Jake," he whispered hoarsely. "I can never get enough of you. I want you, always. I'm afraid you'll leave me one day, and this seemed to be the only way…"

I rammed my cock inside him, groaning at the tightness that enclosed my shaft. Why, o why, would Edward ever think I didn't want him with the same intensity?

"Because you constantly think about Bella!" He shouted. "I can hardly look into your mind; it's filled with memories of her!"

He whimpered when I rolled my hips and I leaned forward so my chest touched all that broad expanse of pale skin, assuring I'd be sunk to the hilt inside him and my prick would rub just at the right angle against his prostate.

My anger quickly deflated when I realized my trick to use his mental blind spot had backfired, badly. Maybe peopling the shop with images of Bella was going too far?

I nipped his right earlobe as he fisted the sheets, and I whispered, "Bella is our past. My present and future? It's you…. just you Edward, I swear, forever."

I pounded into him, wildly. He was mine, and if I had to fuck some sense into him, I'd be glad to. He clenched around my prick when I pulled out my dick until only the cockhead remained trapped, and I thrust with my hips into the pale body below me.

I spread my palms on either side of him, adopting a rhythm that I knew would keep me going for a while, but then Edward squeezed around my shaft like a vise and groaned, "Fuck me! I need to come.

I caressed his smooth flank and sneaked my hand towards his prick, groaning at the prickly feeling of his happy trail as I groped for his cock. I fisted him in rhythm with my own thrusts, pumping madly into the willing body of my beloved. If Edward needed convincing this way, I was all for it.

He wouldn't last long, I knew it from the way his prick was slick with precome. I jerked my hips forward until his head bumped against the night table and then stopped, mindful of his comfort until Edward said, "I can take it, wolf. Move!"

I sat back on my knees, pulling him up with me. I leaned back until I was nestled against the headboard while Edward remained sitting on my lap, impaled completely on my cock. Looking down over his shoulder, I groaned at the contrast our bodies made as I swirled my thumb over his cockhead. Edward's body spasmed all around my cock as he came with a hoarse shout, his seed coating my hand and landing on his thighs.

His insides squeezing all around me made me come. Then I gently laid him down on the bed, my body disengaging from his with a loud squelching noise.

We spooned for a while. He turned around and searched my face. He raised his eyebrows and said pensively, "You're not angry anymore."

"I love you, you doubting vampire." I smiled at him and ruffled his hair, wishing it was as sweaty as mine. With a shrug, I dismissed that thought; Edward was mine and that was all that mattered.

"And your lawsuit?"

"Will drop it." I smirked at him. "But only if you promise to buy ten of their bikes. Just in case," I explained, "they ever decide to discontinue the pixie's design."


End file.
